we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
