I didn't shave. On purpose
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
