dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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