sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
