It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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