dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
