dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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