Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
