I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
