I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
