so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
