Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
