I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
