tell your sister to shave her snatch
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
