You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
