Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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