He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex heβs ever had even with the broken couch
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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