A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
