i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
