New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
