The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
