When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
two words: eviction party
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
