I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
