My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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