wakey wakey hands off snakey
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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