You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
