new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
