The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
