i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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