C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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