I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
