i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize