are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Randomize
