You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
