Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
