What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
