I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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