Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
