Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
