Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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