Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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