Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
