Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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