Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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