yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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