Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
