Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
