A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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