I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
