one might say we're banned from that church
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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