I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can text with my tongue
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
