I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
