i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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