You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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