ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
