So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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