He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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