Sry I called you an 8
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
