Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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