I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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