well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
