fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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