after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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