My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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