hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
