I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
