But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
