I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
