My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
