I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
