Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
