I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
