why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
