You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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