is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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