Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
